I bought and am currently reading the book Overcoming Oppositional Defiant Disorder: A Two-Part Treatment Plan to Help Parents and Kids Work Together (published March 2019) by Gina Atencio-MacLean PsyD. I am using this post to keep track of my notes as I read and complete the exercises.
Introduction through page 16
Message I received:
- Successfully helping a child with ODD is not a quick fix
- Parents need to care for their own emotional needs before they'll be ready to address their child's
- Parental anxiety is related to disruptive parent-child relationships: an increase in negative discipline (punishment), social distress, and controlling behaviors
- Parental anxiety also decreases parental warmth and positive engagement, qualities that build connection
- Walking on eggshells around the ODD child may actually encourage more of the unwanted behavior
- Other children can get "lost in the shuffle" when the ODD child drains so many parental resources
- Children with ODD have strong emotions and are very emotionally reactive
- You want to respond to a situation, which is intentional, instead of reacting to it, which is an automatic reflex
- Q: What are your own triggers? Think of some times recently when you've lost your temper: What time of day was it? What else was going on? What did you do in the moment? What was the immediate result of that action?
- A: My mom was over and had been bothering me with her "helpful" parental suggestions, while I was trying to get work done. I could not concentrate on nor complete my work and was frustrated. I stopped talking to my child other than to say "please stop talking to me" increasingly loudly.
- Q: Imagine a miracle day where the child no longer has ODD - what does that look like?
- A: The school does not call home to indicate he's misbehaved. He thus successfully learns social and academic skills (like reading), and has fun doing so. After school, we go on a walk and he does not run off. We read a book together and he sits with me until the end.
Goals for next time:
- Q: What two actions could you work on that would be a step towards the "miracle day" described above? Do them.
- A: I could take my child on a walk, and could read a story to him and only him (as opposed to a group activity with the other children).
*This post contains an affiliate link for the book*